Once upon a time, there was a princess named Mallory. She was young and hip, and Ulta was her kingdom. She would spend hours swatching the brightest most pigmented eyeshadows on her hand, testing the fabulously rich lotions on her skin, debating which of the perfume bottles would look the best in her bedroom, and gathering her thoughts while searching for special treasures in the clearance bins. Ulta was her refuge, her therapy, her home... until September 2, 2009. On this fateful day princess Mallory strolled into Ulta in search of something that many girls don't even dare to dream of, the perfect haircut. Her judgement was clouded by visions of hip, short layers and edgy bangs that she didn't even realize she was being lured into a trap by the wicked witches of the salon at Ulta. After an hour of excruciating snip snipping, the witches decided that their evil deed was done. They cast princess Mallory out into the world with bangs that were so short they were in the middle of her forehead, layers that were in a straight line across her head, a mullet in the back, and uneven lengths in the front. Princess Mallory was overcome with anxiety at the thought of facing the judgement and scrutiny of the world that she went straight home, shame and tears stained her face. After princess Mallory and her room mate, Kandi, tried to fix the disastrous cut and realized that nothing could be done, they went back to Ulta to face the witches. They fought, but in the end princess Mallory's tears were too powerful for the witches, and they were forced to give her money back. Then, suddenly, the princess remembered something. The good witch, Tracey, was in nursing school with Mallory, and being 36 years old, had been cutting hair for quite some time. Frantically, Princess Mallory called the good witch and asked her if she could fix her hair. The good witch said that she would do what she could, and in a flash, Mallory was off to the magical salon, Divine Appointments, to have her hair cut for the second time that day. The good witch waved her magic scissors and in one flick the layers were more blended, the front and sides of the hair were the same length, and the mullet was gone. Unfortunately, the witch could not give the princess's bangs back, but over all, princess Mallory was very pleased. In fact, if it all was a little longer, it would have been exactly what she wanted! Princess Mallory is going to live happily ever after, but is too traumatized to venture back into Ulta anytime soon. Maybe we'll get a Sephora that's a little closer...
Here is what the princess looked like after the Ulta witches cut it:
Maybe when the princess's bangs grow out a little more, I'll post a picture of the haircut after the FABULOUS Tracey cut it. The moral of this story is, if the person who is cutting your hair says, "I've never cut bangs before", get up and leave. Unfortunately, she said that after she already hacked the rest of my head so I didn't have that option.
